Who's Influencing Your Life? What Proverbs Says About Choosing Wise Friends

Written By Ray Hintz

Think about the people you spend the most time with. Your closest friends, the people you call when life gets difficult, the coworkers you regularly talk with, or the people whose opinions carry the most weight in your decisions. Whether you realize it or not, those relationships are influencing the direction of your life.

We tend to think of our choices as independent decisions. We choose how to spend our money, respond to conflict, prioritize our time, and pursue our goals. But the people around us often have more influence over those decisions than we recognize. Their habits become familiar, their attitudes begin shaping our perspective, and eventually, what seems normal to them can start feeling normal to us.

The Bible has a great deal to say about this. In Proverbs 13:20, Solomon writes:

"Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."

It's a short verse with significant implications. Solomon isn't simply encouraging us to find intelligent or successful friends. He's teaching us that our relationships play an important role in shaping our character, priorities, and spiritual growth.

Throughout our Walking in Wisdom series at Abundant Life Church, we've explored how biblical wisdom affects our decisions, attitudes, and everyday lives. But wisdom isn't something we develop in isolation. While God's Word is our foundation, the people we choose to walk alongside can either strengthen our pursuit of Him or gradually pull us in another direction.

Understanding that influence is essential if we want to build healthy relationships and grow in our faith.

Why the People You Surround Yourself With Matter

One of the interesting things about Proverbs 13:20 is the language Solomon uses. He doesn't say that whoever knows wise people becomes wise. He says that whoever walks with the wise becomes wise.

Walking with someone requires more than an occasional interaction. It involves proximity, consistency, and a willingness to move in the same direction. When we regularly spend time with people who pursue God, practice humility, make thoughtful decisions, and demonstrate integrity, those qualities begin influencing us.

Think about how naturally we pick up the habits of people we're close to. We start using their expressions, adopting their routines, or seeing situations through their perspective. We may never consciously decide to imitate them, but consistent exposure has a way of shaping us.

The same principle applies spiritually. When we spend time with people who pray, study Scripture, respond to challenges with faith, and make decisions according to biblical principles, we have opportunities to learn from their example.

Wisdom Is Developed Through Relationships

Proverbs 27:17 gives us another picture of this process:

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

Healthy Christian friendships do more than provide companionship. They help us grow. They create opportunities for encouragement, accountability, honest conversations, and spiritual maturity.

That doesn't mean every friendship needs to involve a Bible study or a deep spiritual discussion. Much of the influence happens through ordinary life. We observe how a friend handles disappointment, how they speak about someone who has hurt them, or how they respond when circumstances don't go according to plan. Over time, those examples help shape our own responses.

In the original message, we heard a humorous story about choosing the ukulele in sixth-grade music class. The decision wasn't driven by a lifelong passion for the instrument or a desire to become a great musician. It was motivated by the opportunity to spend time with a particular group of classmates, including a girl the speaker had a crush on.

The result wasn't a successful musical career, but the experience illustrates something familiar. Even at a young age, the people we want to be around can influence the decisions we make.

As adults, the stakes are often much higher than choosing a musical instrument. Our relationships can influence our marriages, finances, parenting, careers, and spiritual lives. That's why Scripture encourages us to be intentional about the people we allow to shape us.

Walking With Wise People Requires Intentionality

There is another important detail in Solomon's instruction. Walking with someone requires a shared pace.

During the sermon, we heard another illustration about the difference between the speaker's walking pace and his wife's. Because he's naturally a fast walker, he sometimes finds himself several steps ahead of her. If they want to walk together, he has to slow down and adjust rather than simply expecting her to keep up.

That simple picture helps us understand what it means to walk with wise people. We can't develop meaningful relationships while remaining disconnected from the people we hope will influence us. We need to spend enough time together for their example, encouragement, and wisdom to become part of our lives.

This is one reason Christian community matters so much.

Attending church is important, but gathering for a Sunday service doesn't automatically create the kind of relationships described in Proverbs 13:20. Those relationships often develop when we make room for others in our schedules, share experiences, ask meaningful questions, and allow people to know what's happening in our lives.

At Abundant Life Church, one of our core values is Find Community. We believe that following Jesus was never meant to be a journey we take alone. Small groups provide opportunities to build friendships with people who can encourage us, challenge us, pray with us, and walk alongside us through different seasons of life.

When we intentionally surround ourselves with people who are pursuing Christ, we're creating an environment where wisdom can grow.

The Bible Warns Us About the Cost of Foolish Friendships

The second half of Proverbs 13:20 offers a warning:

"But the companion of fools will suffer harm."

In Proverbs, foolishness isn't simply a lack of intelligence or education. It describes a way of living that disregards God's wisdom, rejects correction, and prioritizes immediate desires over what is right.

Someone can be highly educated, professionally successful, or personally charismatic and still make foolish decisions. Likewise, someone with little formal education can demonstrate remarkable wisdom through humility, integrity, and obedience to God.

Solomon's concern is that foolish attitudes and behaviors are influential. When we repeatedly surround ourselves with people who normalize destructive choices, we can gradually become comfortable with those same choices.

How Unhealthy Influences Affect Our Decisions

Consider someone who has decided to become more responsible with money. They've created a budget, identified areas where they need to cut back, and committed to making better financial decisions. But their closest friends consistently encourage unnecessary spending, expensive outings, and impulsive purchases.

None of those individual decisions may seem especially significant. A dinner here, an online purchase there, or another expense justified by a difficult week can feel harmless in the moment. Over time, however, those habits can undermine the very goals the person was trying to accomplish.

The same pattern can appear in other areas of life. Someone who wants to strengthen their marriage may regularly spend time with people who criticize their spouses. Someone trying to overcome an unhealthy habit may continue surrounding themselves with people who encourage it. Someone seeking to grow spiritually may have close relationships where faith is consistently dismissed or compromised.

The influence often happens gradually. We don't necessarily wake up one morning and decide to abandon our convictions. Instead, repeated exposure can slowly change what we're willing to accept.

Paul reinforces this warning in 1 Corinthians 15:33:

"Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'"

This doesn't mean Christians should avoid relationships with people who don't share their faith. Jesus Himself spent time with people from many different backgrounds, including those who were rejected or criticized by the religious leaders of His day.

There is an important difference, however, between loving people and allowing them unrestricted influence over our lives.

We can care deeply about someone without following their example. We can maintain a friendship while establishing healthy boundaries. We can remain compassionate and welcoming without allowing another person's destructive patterns to determine our direction.

The question isn't whether we should love people who make unwise choices. Of course we should. The question is whether we've given those relationships more influence over our lives than they should have.

Recognizing When a Relationship Needs Boundaries

Not every unhealthy influence requires ending a friendship. Sometimes the wisest response is to reconsider the access or authority we've given someone in our life.

There may be people we genuinely care about who consistently encourage decisions that undermine our spiritual growth. We can continue treating them with kindness while becoming more intentional about when, where, and how we spend time together.

Healthy boundaries aren't necessarily an expression of rejection. They can be an expression of wisdom.

Proverbs 12:26 reminds us that the righteous choose their friends carefully. That requires us to recognize the difference between relationships that strengthen our character and relationships that repeatedly pull us away from the person God is calling us to become.

If we're serious about growing in wisdom, we need to consider not only the choices we're making but also the influences shaping those choices.

Wise Friendships Should Change the Atmosphere Around Us

So far, we've considered how other people influence our lives. But Proverbs 13:20 also challenges us to think about the influence we have on others.

Every relationship involves both receiving and contributing. We aren't simply shaped by the people around us; we also help shape the environment they experience.

Think about the atmosphere in a room when different people enter. Some individuals consistently bring criticism, negativity, or conflict into their conversations. Others have a way of helping people feel encouraged, supported, and hopeful. Their presence doesn't necessarily remove the challenges others are facing, but it can make those challenges feel less overwhelming.

As followers of Jesus, we should desire to bring His character into the environments we enter.

That doesn't mean pretending everything is wonderful or avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes a wise friend offers comfort and encouragement. Other times, wisdom requires speaking truth, addressing a problem, or lovingly challenging someone to make a necessary change.

Both can be expressions of Christlike love.

Christian Community Is More Than Spending Time Together

Hebrews 10:24–25 encourages believers to consider how they can spur one another toward love and good deeds, continue meeting together, and encourage one another.

Notice that biblical community is active. We aren't simply instructed to gather in the same place. We're called to consider how we can help one another grow.

Galatians 6:2 adds another important responsibility:

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Healthy Christian friendships create space for people to share their struggles without feeling like they have to face everything alone. They provide practical support during difficult seasons, encouragement when faith feels weak, and accountability when someone needs help staying on the right path.

Sometimes that means praying with a friend who is discouraged. Other times, it means offering practical help, sharing a meal, watching someone's children, or simply being present during a difficult season.

The goal isn't to create relationships where everyone appears to have life figured out. It's to build a community where people can grow together as they follow Jesus.

What Does Biblical Community Look Like in Real Life?

One of the most meaningful illustrations from this message came from an Abundant Life small group.

A member of the group, Lisa Moffit, felt prompted to offer childcare for Matt and Seanna, a couple raising three young daughters. Like many parents of young children, finding time for a date night wasn't always easy. Lisa didn't simply mention that she might be available someday. She intentionally offered to watch their girls so they could spend an evening together.

It was a relatively simple act of generosity, but it gave the couple an opportunity to reconnect, rest, and enjoy time together.

Around that same period, Matt experienced problems with his vehicle's brakes. When another group member, Brian Kierstead, learned about the situation, he offered to help replace them if Matt purchased the necessary parts.

Neither situation involved an elaborate ministry program or a major event. They were ordinary needs met by people who had chosen to share life together.

And that's precisely what makes these stories significant.

The members of that group weren't merely attending a weekly gathering. They were developing relationships where they could recognize needs, offer support, and demonstrate the love of Jesus through practical action.

That is the kind of community Scripture calls us to build.

Why Small Groups Matter for Spiritual Growth

Small groups create opportunities for relationships that can be difficult to develop through Sunday services alone. They provide a setting where people can ask questions, share experiences, study God's Word, pray together, and develop friendships that extend beyond church gatherings.

They also make room for people to receive support during seasons when life becomes especially demanding. A young family may need encouragement and practical help. Someone walking through grief may need people who will listen and pray. A person who is new to faith may benefit from relationships with believers who can help them understand Scripture and develop healthy spiritual habits.

These relationships don't replace our personal responsibility to pursue God. They strengthen that pursuit by surrounding us with people who can encourage us along the way.

At Abundant Life Church in Wilmington, Massachusetts, we've seen the importance of creating more opportunities for meaningful connection. As new people and families become part of our church community, we want to ensure there is room for them to develop relationships where they can be known, loved, encouraged, and supported.

That requires more than offering additional programs. It requires people who are willing to make room in their lives for others.

Opening a home, leading a group, offering childcare, or inviting someone into an existing circle of friends may seem like a small commitment. Yet those decisions can create opportunities for lasting spiritual growth and genuine community.

How to Build Godly Friendships and Become a Wise Friend

Proverbs 13:20 invites us to evaluate our relationships, but it also gives us an opportunity to become more intentional about the kind of friend we are to others.

If we want to walk with the wise, we should pursue relationships that encourage spiritual growth. At the same time, we should seek to develop the character and habits that make us a positive influence in someone else's life.

Here are several practical ways to begin.

Evaluate Your Closest Influences

Consider the people whose opinions you regularly seek and whose example you naturally follow. Do those relationships encourage you to pursue God's wisdom, make responsible decisions, and grow in character?

No friendship is perfect, and every person has areas where they need to grow. The goal isn't to surround ourselves with people who never struggle. It's to recognize whether our closest relationships are generally moving us toward greater faithfulness or encouraging us to compromise our convictions.

Pursue Relationships With Spiritually Mature People

We can learn a great deal from people who have faithfully followed Jesus through different seasons of life. Their experience, perspective, and willingness to share what they've learned can help us navigate decisions and challenges with greater wisdom.

Sometimes this happens through intentional mentoring or discipleship. Other times, it develops naturally through friendships, small groups, serving together, and shared experiences.

The important thing is to remain humble and teachable, recognizing that God often uses other people to help us grow.

Make Room for Authentic Community

Strong relationships rarely develop without time and intentionality. Busy schedules, family responsibilities, and the demands of everyday life can make connection difficult, but meaningful community is worth pursuing.

For some of us, the next step may be joining a small group. For others, it may mean reconnecting with someone we've lost touch with, inviting another family over for dinner, or making time for a conversation that goes beyond surface-level interaction.

Some may even feel called to help create new opportunities for connection by hosting or leading a group.

Whatever the next step looks like, we can trust that God uses ordinary relationships to accomplish meaningful work in our lives.

Conclusion: Who's in Your Circle, and What Kind of Friend Are You Becoming?

The wisdom of Proverbs reminds us that the people we walk with matter. Our closest relationships influence our decisions, shape our attitudes, and contribute to the direction of our lives. Choosing those relationships carefully isn't about judging others or withdrawing from the world. It's about recognizing the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who help us grow in faith and character.

But there's another side to this teaching that's just as important. We also have the opportunity to influence the people around us. Through encouragement, generosity, accountability, and practical acts of love, we can help create relationships where others experience the hope and healing of Jesus.

At Abundant Life Church, we believe that finding community is an essential part of becoming a passionate follower of Christ. We want to be a church where people aren't simply welcomed into a building on Sunday but are invited into relationships where they can truly belong.

As you reflect on Proverbs 13:20, consider two questions: Who is influencing the direction of your life, and what kind of influence are you having on the people around you?

Perhaps God is inviting you to strengthen a friendship, establish a healthy boundary, join a small group, or make room for someone who needs connection. Whatever that next step may be, remember that biblical wisdom isn't something we simply admire or learn about. It's something we practice as we walk with God and with one another.

Choose to walk with the wise, and become the kind of friend who helps others do the same.

Find Community at Abundant Life Church

We believe life is better when we walk through it together. At Abundant Life Church in Wilmington, Massachusetts, our small groups help people build meaningful friendships, grow in their relationship with Jesus, and experience the encouragement and support of Christian community.

Whether you're new to church, exploring faith, or looking for deeper connections, we'd love to help you find your place.

Visit Abundant Life Church to learn more about our church, explore opportunities to connect, and take your next step.

Related Articles

Connect With Us

Plan Your Visit: https://abundantlifema.org/plan-a-visit/
About / Beliefs: https://abundantlifema.org/our-values-and-beliefs
Ministries: https://abundantlifema.org/

Ray Hintz
Previous

How to Honor God at Work: Biblical Wisdom for Success, Integrity, and Purpose
Next

The Power of Words: What the Bible Says About Speaking Life and Wisdom